


Fear and Faith

by goodisrelative



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-29
Updated: 2005-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodisrelative/pseuds/goodisrelative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She cheated, lied, stole and survived those first days strong in her belief that they were coming for her.  It might take time but they’d come for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear and Faith

_**SG1 Vala fic: Fear and Faith**_  
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG1 and it's characters belong to their creators. This is not for profit and I am recognizing no financial gain from this enterprise.

See, having no docs is a benefit... I got to edit my Vala post-Beachhead story and now I can post it!

Title: Fear and Faith  
Author: Goodisrelative  
Rating: Teen  
Category: some Vala/Daniel, angst  
Spoilers: thru Beachhead (S9.06)  
Summary: She cheated, lied, stole and survived those first days strong in her belief that they were coming for her. It might take time but they’d come for her.

A/N: First, the song in the story is "She Misses Him" by Tim Rushlow.  
Second, thanks so much to [](http://thekatebeyond.livejournal.com/profile)[**thekatebeyond**](http://thekatebeyond.livejournal.com/) for being the best beta and for the encouragement!

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It started as a tiny crack in the dam. Over time, as all things do, it grew until it was a spider web of cracks throughout her foundation. And then finally all her careful patching could no longer hold it and everything came crashing down around her.

She couldn’t pinpoint the exact day she found the first crack, but it wasn’t long after she had found out exactly where the ring transporter had deposited her.

She was her normal self here, hiding from the Priors, knowing from past experiences that the Ori were ***not*** all seeing and knowing. She cheated, lied, stole and survived those first days strong in her belief that they were coming for her. It might take time but they’d come for her.

She refused to entertain her fears and she was able to control them, even in sleep and the great danger that lie in her unconscious.

But as the days turned into weeks, her fears started to break through her defenses. She got caught up in remembering her last day with Daniel, Teal’C, Cameron and the rest of the Tauri. She remembered the fun of beating Daniel and Cam at their own game – basketball. It had all been lost on that court.

She had warned them that he was not to be trusted, that he was gaining something greater than what he was offering. But they had silenced her – Daniel most of all. Then came the suspicion, the disbelief, the animosity, and finally the shunning

They were still so naive even after all they had been through with the Gou’ald. She had had lifetimes to learn the truth, and the people of the Tauri only a few years. She had, though, foolishly believed that she had finally forged an understanding with Daniel. She had believed that after all they had been through, he could see beyond her lies. But she had been wrong. Because he had shut her out faster than anyone else when Lieutenant Colonel Carter returned to Stargate Command. With one blink of the blonde woman’s eyes, all her hard work at forging ties with the new SG-1 was gone.

Vala didn’t blame Sam – men were a fickle lot in any species and Sam was an original cast member. But it had still hurt her – and not just her ego – to be dropped as if she was a Gou’ald.

With each of Daniel’s _Shut up, Vala!_ 's her heart broke a bit more, until finally it broke completely when they wouldn’t even let her speak at the end. So, she reacted by doing the one thing she knew she could. She took charge, stole the Jaffa cargo ship and had saved the galaxy. She hoped her actions there made up for all of her earlier transgressions.

Now she was stuck here in the galaxy of the Ori, creepy Priors and six hours of prostration. So she did as she always did. She took care of herself.

As her fears ate at her defenses in the dark of night, it brought forth a song she absolutely hated. Some idiot airman had forced her to listen to country and western music until she had complained, bitched and whined to Daniel enough that he had gotten General Landry to order the airman to stop the cruel and unusual torture. The songs were usually sad and sappy.

She never realized she memorized the words until they began to haunt her at odd moments during her days. This was one of the sappiest and saddest songs she had been tortured with.

It started out a line here and there, easy to banish, until like her fears, it gained a foot hold and pushed and pushed until to took over.

Still it was months before she realized the truth of the words and then she refused to speak them – not that there was anyone she could speak them to.

The song haunted her days and her fears had her nights, until she was almost afraid to sleep. She was scared to death that they weren’t searching for a way to find her. She was finally deathly afraid of something – that SG-1 would leave her here in the world of the Ori, rejoicing in the fact that she was out of their hair.

Months after she found herself trapped in this evil galaxy, having to steal, cheat, and lie to fulfill all her needs, the words of that hated song finally burst forth from her lips. She knew the melody was all wrong, but she couldn’t keep the words inside anymore.

 _Oh, everyday is much the same  
She sighs that sigh from deep within  
The one that says she misses him…_

 _And the way he used to make her laugh  
She misses the man he was…_

 _So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart  
The man who stole her very heart  
She misses him…_

 _But sometimes you can almost feel  
The sadness in her tears…  
She misses him._

She had woken up that morning, her pillow wet with tears and had finally realized that she had chased Daniel not simply because she wanted him, or wanted to torture him because he was such an easy mark, but because he had filled a void in her heart – one she hadn’t ever realized was there until she found herself stranded here.

"Daniel, you better come for me soon!" She cursed aloud. She would to survive. _Because, damn it, they *were* looking for her! And they would find her._ She believed that. Some times you had to fall apart to keep strong, and some times you had to lose to find the strength to fight again.

Her defenses, which had coming crashing down because of the doubt and fear, were rebuilt stone by stone, stronger this time. She believed in Daniel Jackson. She knew, and believed once again, that he would find her, no matter how long it took and no matter who stood in his way.

She just had to be patient. _Too bad patience was just was **not** something she was good at!_ she thought.


End file.
